i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
