try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
