youre lurking in front of me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
