I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
