i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
