i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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