Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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