Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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