It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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