chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
