guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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