HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
