If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
