They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
