she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
