You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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