All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
