Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
