I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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