I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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