I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
