I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
