using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
