Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize