She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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