OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize