I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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