Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have demons in me.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
