can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
