No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize