i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
