Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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