I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
