In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
