I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
