I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
