First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
