Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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