xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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