how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize