Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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