just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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