She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
