just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
