i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
