two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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