Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
