am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
