if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
