Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
