I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
