Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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