Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
