I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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