I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
