Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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