I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
