ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
