come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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