first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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