You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
