I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
