She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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