She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize