I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
