well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
