We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
