bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Someone shattered a urinal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
