Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
