btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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