she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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