I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
