The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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