you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
