before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
