I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
