And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
