you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
