I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize