My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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