Moan for me like Helen Keller
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
