we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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