Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need water and some morals
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
