onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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