just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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