I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
