I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
