When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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