This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
