i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
