Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
