You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
