I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
