That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
4 words: hood of his car
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
