wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
handjob tips. give me some.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
