Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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