i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
