Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
