we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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