if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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