I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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