I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
