I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
