I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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