He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
