DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
