i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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