He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
