He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
