i was born a porn star she said
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
