im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
