my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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