Sponge bath it is.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Randomize
