Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
